Um... *Speechless*

Oh. My. God. I'm crying. I'm clapping. I want to be George. I wish things were different. I love the new villains. I want more NOW! I've just watched the series three finale of Being Human and I cannot put into words just how much it has rocked my night...

Last week we watched aghast as the police closed in on Mitchell over his part in the Box Tunnel Massacre. 

Then we saw Herrick claim Nancy as his meal and the method of bringing him back to his vicious and wonderful self. We saw poor McNair killed by Herrick, a stroke of luck on Herrick's part, but nothing less than McNair himself expected. Poor, poor Tom! It was one hell of a cliffhanger ending, too, as Mitchell got his photograph taken by the police, the threat of a worldwide revelation of all things supernatural seemingly inevitable.

This third series of Being Human has been, in my opinion, the best since the show first clambered its way onto our screens... As I've said before, I don't know how this show is still on BBC Three! Tonight's finale was, if you'll excuse the melodrama, heartbreaking, breathtaking and edge-of-the-seat stuff in equal measure.

I'm doing my best to keep this little post as spoiler-free as possible, but it's been no secret that Mitchell's life has been at risk ever since Lea - who we saw again this week, bless her - told him that there was a wolf-shaped-bullet out there with his name on it!

If you've followed the series this far it's very unlikely you missed this finale. And if you did, shame on you. I haven't been as still and silent throughout a television show in ages! This show, like Doctor Who, is the perfect proof that BBC Wales makes the best drama ever. When everything came to a head in the last twenty minutes of tonight's Being Human my heart was racing and I had tears in my eyes. 

The end isn't what I expected. The story didn't take the path I'd imagined it would take. You would be forgiven for being caught completely off-guard. It really was a double (or triple [or quadruple]) bluff. 

Those "villains" we've abhorred throughout this series wiggled their way into my sympathies tonight; I never thought I'd say that! I honestly didn't believe I could ever, ever feel pity for Herrick! And here I am, wishing he was still around. Because, if the last few minutes of tonight's episode is anything to go by, we're going to fucking need him!

I thought this may have been the last we saw of our supernatural friends, but apparently not - (question mark?). One of my favourite actors has been introduced as one of the smarmiest, most threatening - yet, at the same time,  amiable - characters the show has ever seen. Let's hope they don't wait too long to push out series four! I cannot tell you how much I've loved every single second of the third series. More please. And fast!

DESTROY ALL HUMANS!!

I know, I'm late to the party. I usually am. But digging  through an old box of stuff in my wardrobe I came upon a copy of Destroy All Humans for PlayStation 2 that I bought years ago and never opened! So, with so much time on my hands I started playing - and loved it!

It's the perfect interpretation of a 1950s "Flying Saucer Movie", told (or played) from the perspective of the Furon, a race of crass and offensive alien clones who have just two goals: 1. Collect human brain stems and recover dormant the dormant Furon DNA hidden within, and 2. DESTROY ALL HUMANS!

It's the sort of game you can play over and over again and enjoy each and every time you do. It's not a difficult game, or even a very long one - I completed it in about 4 hours or so, almost in one sitting - but there are so many side missions (and destroying the humans is so much bloody fun!) that I see myself playing this game for weeks to come. As soon as I'm able to I will be buying the other games in the Destroy All Humans! franchise and keeping the Furon dream alive. Crypto (the hero alien) has become almost a friend to me :)

James Nesbitt - Super-surgeon!

Firstly -and this might sounds strange - I wish Monroe was on BBC1. I'll come to why I wish that in just a second. I've never really liked medical dramas. It's always the same format. The Holby Ten Minutes. Some chap has a fall, then the story starts - it's all emotional and then something goes wrong, leading to either a sad ending or a miraculously good one. 

I wish I could say Monroe is different, but it's not. It has the basics - Patient Of The Week, personal issues, friction at work - but it has something else. A detachment, a freshness, something that makes it feel completely different to any medical drama I've ever sat through. 

It's not a masterpiece - but then it was never going to be! It's not House MD UK, either - although comparisons with inevitably be made. What we have here is s strange little show that moves too quickly for ITV. This is what I meant above; the whole thing feels far too dynamic and quirky for an ITV drama. Forgiving it some clunky dialogue and a first episode that smacks of "reworked pilot", Monroe will definitely be a quiet little mainstay in my week's television.

Episode one deals with a young woman who has a temporal lobe tumour - one wonders how many brain op stories the series can give us before it becomes routine. Next week is about a double shooting... with complications - in the brain. Although, since Nesbitt plays a neurosurgeon it's hardly an unexpected thing.  More than anything - and I'm aware that this review feels dreamy and incoherent - Monroe has something that the likes of Casualty or Holby have not always managed to show; actual heart. The acting is okay, the story was thin but interesting, there were a couple of slotted-in sub-plots and some stinking dialogue at times. But this show has heart! Jimmy Nesbitt's arrogant detachment from the work his character performs is clearly deliberate and works well. 

I could talk in contradictions all night long - it's not great but I loved it etc etc etc. But I won't. I'll sum up with a bit of comparison; you can tell it's been directed by McGuigan... There's more than a little "Sherlock" about this show - cocky characters, snappy scenes, very clever use of on-screen graphics... And, since Nesbitt is one of Britain's most watchable actors, a combination of gorgeous cinematography and Irish charm mean that you can simply overlook the bumps in the road. 

I'm completely ignorant when it comes to medical terminology and processes, but there's a sense that this show is very well researched and that this research reaches the screen. I loved this little show - but it is that; a little show. It isn't a water-cooler conversation-starter by any means, but it might just be the perfect show to sit down to with a cuppa and a smile. 

Monroe (ITV)

James Nesbitt is back on our screens on Thursday in a brand new series for ITV, Monroe. It was commissioned as part of the drama season created to replace long-running favourite The Bill.

The series follows Gabriel Monroe, a charming and charismatic neurosurgeon. It's a medical drama, but with the emphasis on the relationships between the staff and the patients, the effect that different illnesses have on family members and the dynamic in the operating room.

Jimmy Nesbitt is good in almost everything he's in. Although I don't like medical dramas usually - which is strange since I love comedy-drama Green Wing - I think I'll be giving this one a go. I've only seen a few trailers for the series and must say that what I've seen I like. If it's any good - or if it's a load of shit - I'll throw a review up on here this weekend. If it's just "alright" I won't bother. Nobody wants to read about a bloody mediocre show, do they? No.

So, yeah. ITV1 (still can't get used to putting that "1" on the end, there) at 9pm on Thursday March 10th. Worth a look, I reckon!

Oh My God!! - Being Human (Contains Spoilers)

Poor, poor Nina. Poor, poor George. Poor, poor Annie. Poor, poor Mitchel. Which one of these statements is the most valid? Well, based on her previous behaviour - anonymously reporting Mitchel - probably not "poor Nina". And since Mitchel is a mass murderer who really deserves to be punished, probably not poor him! As for George, he just walked away from his pregnant girlfriend, leaving her to the mercy of the newly reinvigorated Herrick, so probably not poor him either - although he didn't know what would happen.

The last fifteen minutes of Sunday's penultimate episode of Being Human was utterly edge-of-the-seat stuff. I was breathless. I almost cried when Nina was stabbed by Herrick. I've turned against Mitchel though agree with George that a reveal of the Supernatural World would be an awful thing...

It seems the only people we should genuinely feel sorry for in all of this is Annie and Nancy - though I fear Herrick may have recruited himself another apprentice there. Also, we can feel sorry for McNair and Thomas - although McNair was about to off Mitchel, too, so there really is a morally blurred line through this series.

Bottom line is, the third series of Being Human has been utterly outstanding television. Why this is still on BBC Three is a mystery. The drama has been ramped up to heartbreaking levels. I literally cannot see where this will all end. There's one episode left and I don't think it'll end well for anyone! So much so, in fact, that I've been thinking about this. The following is JUST a personal prediction. I don't know anything at all for sure, but this is what I believe will happen...

George arrives at the police station to find everyone dead and Mitchel about to leave. They run home. They find the rest of the dead officers and Nina. She's alive so they rush her to hospital. Mitchel wants to know Herrick's secret but Herrick wants more than ever before to take control. I believe the "Wolf Shaped Bullet" that will finally end Mitchel's reign will be none other than poor George.

I cannot tell you how excited I am to find out what's to come. Not long to go now. But the sad thing is, this could very well be the last we see of these particular characters. A horrible thought that's disappointment is only offset by the knowledge that Matt, Adam and Christa from Becoming Human are more than worthy contenders for places in the parent show, should it continue.

Stewart Lee - St David's Hall, Cardiff. March 4th 2011

You know before I begin that this little review will be biased and enthusiastic. You know full well that Stewart Lee is one of my "heroes". You also know, if you know who Stew is and what he does, that he's not everybody's cup of tea...

I went to see his latest show, Vegetable Stew, with two friends; one older than me and one younger. Neither really enjoyed the show very much, as far as I can tell. I, however, believed it to be hilarious. The show is a "work in progress" for a show which, due to the postponement of the show show in October, has already been filmed for BBC2. 

Tackling charity and government in his trademark repetitive, plodding, pause-filled, rhythmic style Stew once again takes pot shots at some of the most unusual victims. His cynical views on Russell Howard's agenda behind his charity work take the audience on a giggle-some guilt-ride which much of the room, including me, found side-splitting. A Stewart Lee audience is a wonderfully interesting thing - it has pockets of different types of people. Stew is the embodiment of the saying "you can't please all of the people all of the time". But Stew doesn't want to! He wants to leave people behind and have them feel as though they need to catch up.

As with most of Stew's shows he loses the audience with some very dangerous material about the IRA, a wonderful story about his days at Oxford where he became David Cameron's friend "for a few weeks" and crisps. Lots of crisps. It's a method that Stew - and only Stew - can really pull off. Losing and audience and winning them back is what makes Stewart Lee such a unique performer. There is nobody quite like him out there, even now, even after his twenty-odd years in the business. I laughed all night - I smiled inwardly at just how much respect I have for this man. He really is an inspiration. He's my Ted Chippington. 

But he's not everyone's idea of what a comedian should be. Michael McIntyre he is not. He is, you could say, the antidote to the comedy we have thrust upon us now. Stewart Lee's material is comedy as cooked by Heston Blumenthal - he's an artist. He deconstructs each and every nuance of his own routine, informing the audience in advance that he has few jokes and much of his material simply doesn't work! But it does. So well. 

The show was incredible. And, as usual, Stew hung about after the show to meet the crowd and sign books and DVDs. They say you should never meet your heroes. Well, I'm so happy that I did!

The Matrix - You Know What I've Noticed?

Of all the "must see movies" there are few that have the same "must see appeal" as The Matrix (1999). It was something special when it came out and remains so, to me. It's not marvelous story-telling, the acting (in the whole part) stinks and the idea, although interesting, isn't anything new - not really.

But it's one of those "cool" movies, especially for film-fans of my generation. Who didn't pretend to do the "bullet dodge" limbo-like swish that Neo does (left)? Or that bit where Trinity does that freezy-spinny-kick-thing - we've all done that too! Haven't we? Or at least tried? No? Hmmm...

Do you know what I've noticed? I get so in to movies that I start to build my day around them - it's a tiny bit sad. But it happens! I bought Enter The Matrix for PS2 yesterday, for 50p. I've been playing it constantly since. And it's a nice little gap-filler between the first and second films. 

Oh, the second movie! Remember that? The Matrix Reloaded. Not just a gimmicky name: The second movie is pretty bad. Indeed, Matrix fans vehemently insist that there was only one Matrix movie. But I don't think that's all that fair. I mean, the second (and third) movie aren't anywhere near as interesting as the first, but there's a hell of a lot of great, exciting scenes. 

And you know what? I'm going to say something controversial now - as a Matrix fan (a huge one): I like the second and third movies, I do! They're brilliant - or at least brilliant-looking. There's not a lot of substance to them, they're wafer-thin, story-wise... 

But there's nothing quite like watching all three, back-to-back. Big, glossy, loud, gun-totin' action. That freeway car chase; it's incredible! Even now! It's pretty special - not very special, but... wow. And  the contrived, wordy, unintelligible "explanations" for just why there were two other movies, when there needn't have been, other than for the bucks. Pretentious sci-fi has never been so exciting. 

Now, please forget I told you that the last two movies were any good at all... I have a reputation to keep. Thanks. You're too bloody kind <3

Masterchef - Where's Peter Dickson When We Need Him?

What have they done to my show?!! I love Masterchef. It's one of the best "competition shows" on television - or was. It used to be a small, interesting cookery competition with an aim to find the best amateur cooks in the country. There was a sweaty bloke who looked like he'd been drinking and a grocer and sometimes that nice fella off Michel Roux's Service would pop in to judge as well. But now, what have they done?!!

They've turned the show into an X Factor-style sob-story contest. One contestant this week actually said that her inspiration for the mandatory Roast Round was her dead father. 

WHAT? I don't get it... you HAVE to make a Roast, that's what the round is all about... so how is your dead dad an inspiration in any way? I don't want to make light of the fact that he's dead, but he has little to do with the fact that you've been given ingredients and told to cook something as per the rules of the show. 

It's all about the sob-stories - sorry, human interest anecdotes. The same old judges are there, but they've gone all shiny! All snappy sound-bites and swishy camera angles. The cooking has become secondary to the "plot" - there's a wacky American, a weepy housewife, a posh fella, a timid Italian Mum... it's about the characters, not the food. It's been ruined. Fuck off Masterchef-changers. Give us our lovely little show back.

The Rules Of Attraction - Bret Easton Ellis

"What does she like, I was thinking. Questions raced through my mind - does she go wild during sex, does she come easily, does she freak out about oral sex, does she mind a guy coming in her mouth? Then I realize I won't go to bed with a girl if she won't do that. I also won't go to bed with a girl if she can't or won't have an orgasm because then, what's the point? If you can't make a girl come then why even bother? That always seemed to me to be like writing questions in a letter."  SEAN.

Bret Easton Ellis is the master of American Fiction, in my opinion. In his few books he has managed to upset, disturb, arouse, entertain and scare me in equal measure. And each emotion his writing provokes in you makes you ashamed to be feeling that particular emotion at that particular piece of writing. When I read Ellis' work I feel transported to wherever the book may be happening, often high-end 1980s. The characters chew me up and spit me out, exhausted and feeling dirty. There are few authors who are able to tickle such a feeling from their readers. Chuck Palahniuk is another, though his gritty tales tend to wear their grimy hearts on their sleeve. Ellis manages to paint a picture that makes you want to join in - despite knowing you shouldn't want to at all.

Probably the most unnervingly aspirational work Ellis has penned is The Rules Of Attraction (1987), an 'incisive, controversial and startlingly funny tale of student sex, expectation, desire and frustration on an affluent 1980s New England college campus', but it's so much more than the cover would suggest. 

The three main characters - like most of Ellis' creations - are morally grey. I found myself liking each character for their horrible faults rather than despite them. More than any other author, Ellis manages to make you sympathise - indeed, disturbingly, empathise - with the characters. Is Sean a horrible, womanising prick or a delicate, lost soul struggling to find meaning in his shallow life? Is Lauren as pristine as she makes out or is she kidding us and herself? Can you really believe a thing Paul tells you or is he cruelly ignored, viciously misrepresented and deserving of our pity? And if so, do you want to give it to him? Or any of the others? Are they deserving of anything at all? These questions are almost never answered... It's your call.

I find myself believing and liking Paul over the other characters, though it's "the girl" - with her senseless, doomed infatuation with Sean - that really holds up the mirror to most readers, I would have thought. Although the truth is that we are, all of us, all of them. We all exaggerate, we all try our luck yet believe ourselves to be morally above our actions. We all crave something, something, that we can't quite reach and would stand a better chance of getting hold of if only we knew what it is we wanted.

Don't be put off by the graphic sex, the drugs, the parties. Read each telling as a sad insight into the lives of others - and pretend you don't see yourself, if you want to. I did. For too long. I've read The Rules Of Attraction many times; first, at school aged about 15 or 16, then again in my early twenties - over and over. Now I'm reading it again and it's breathtaking just how "fresh" it feels, even when you know just what's coming. I highly recommend this book.

More Episodes Please! Actually, No...

Episodes has finished and it seems to have collected a bit of a cult fan-base. Even some my most trusted friends (when it comes to television) found it unfunny and undramatic - the two things I thought it absolutely wasn't. Episodes is not a laugh-out-loud comedy, although it looks as though it should be. It's not particularly clever or exciting, either. But it has something - I think it's called "heart" but I don't want to say so at the risk of sounding like a wally. It is also over.

It flipped between cringe-comedy, romantic drama and slapstick The Matt Le Blanc show regularly, but tied itself up just nicely in its seventh episode.

As comedy goes, it's not the best we've had lately, but it seems to almost not matter since the characters in this show are - sorry, were - enough to keep me watching. Matt Le Blanc should be seen in this as he is great! The performances from all three stars - Matt, Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig - in the last episode of this series were just tonally perfect, capturing brilliantly just the right balance of heartbreaking relationship drama and absurd comic happenings. The "fight scene" is one of the most appealing three minutes of television I've watched this year. It's funny because it's silly, but the passion in both characters' actions are heartbreaking, especially if you've shared either (or both) of their positions within the situation.

Many people want more. They want to see how our trodden-on Brits will manage while promoting a hit show that they hate on the US Networks. They want to see whether everything will be okay between them after the events of episode six. They want to know just where this show can go from here. The answer is anywhere, really - and that's why I hope they don't make any more. Leave this as seven lovely little episodes of funny fish-out-of-water situation comedy and retain the audience its managed to hold so far, including me. This, one day, will be on most people's list of 'forgotten gems', you mark my words!

Green Wing

It was my Birthday last Sunday (oh, thanks!) and I was lucky enough to get the Green Wing Definitive Box Set on DVD. Every episode of the wonderfully surreal hospital comedy/drama and all the special features that goes with it! For those who have never seen the show, a little about it:

Think an NHS version of Scrubs, or Casualty on Acid. It follows the working day of Surgical Registrar Caroline Todd, the new girl at the fictional East Hampton Hospital, and the other staff that work along side her.

There's Surgeon "Mac" McCartney - Hospital heart-throb, Anesthetist Guy Secretan - he thinks he's the Hospital's heart-throb, HR Manager Joanna Clore - sex-hungry, age-obsessed and sleeping with Consultant Radiologist Alan Statham - Neurotic, stuttering, eternally troubled by Student Radiologist Boyce.

Then there's Junior Doctor Malcolm Dear, Joanna's oft-ignored son - a hopeless, hapless romantic in love with Caroline. And there's Staff Liaison Officer Sue White - a foul-mouthed, Scottish, abrasive sociopath. Along with a whole supporting cast of uniquely odd characters, from the HR office staff to the nurses and many, many others. There isn't a "normal" character in the whole show! And it's one hell of a Great British cast!

I watched twenty-two hours of Green Wing in just two days, so much that I found myself speaking just like Alan Statham sometimes, without even realising I was doing it! It is without question one of the most original, most bizarre programs you will ever see. If you're not a fan of hospital-set shows, fret not - there are no medical storylines at all; the hospital is simply a canvas for the characters to paint their bizarre days over. 

It's often laugh-out-loud stuff, often heartbreaking drama, often curious love-triangle. It's always a pleasure and you never, ever feel short-changed. Not even when you're given the same cliff-hanger (literally) ending for both series - it's a wonderfully welcome nod. I love this show and now I've finished it. I think I'll give it a week or two then start watching it all over again!

Silk (BBC) - It's Missing Something...

Despite a killer, if predictable, cast and a promising online blurb there was something missing from the BBC's new legal drama, Silk. It looks like political-soap-drama Party Animals, feels like it, too and is about as predictable as it is acceptable to be without it being utter shit. 

It was a lacklustre beginning to a series that slipped right under my radar until today, but I think it's the sort of series that needs a week or two to settle in.

Trouble is, it's only a six-part series, so it needs to up its game very soon! It's not the best show I've ever seen, but it's not fair to say it was the worst. I watched it, but with a book in my hands. It's so flat I was able to read a book and follow this show at the same time. Following the life of generically-named Martha Costello, the series is described on the BBC's site as a series about "life at the Bar, the dilemmas and problems that modern day barristers have to face, and what it means to become a Silk", it really is as bland as it sounds. But the wonderful Maxine Peake carries the show and makes you want to keep watching, albeit with just the one eye on the screen.

Also, it seems there's a few little sub-plot irons in the fire that may turn out to be something a little bit more entertaining than the story-of-the-week proper. Maybe these cardboard characters in this cartoon court will grow on me. I'm hoping so, anyway. If you like legal dramas you'll be disappointed. If you like daytime soaps then this may be right up your street.

The Promise (Channel 4)

Channel 4 have excelled themselves with their new four-part drama The Promise (Sunday nights). It is utterly beautiful and perfectly written, acted and shot. The series begins with Erica (the fantastic Claire Foy) clearing through the possessions of her dying Grandfather, Len. She discovers a diary among his things chronicling his time in the army, stationed in Palestine in 1945. Erica's best friend, Eliza, has dual-nationality and has to return to Israel in a week's time to complete her national service and has invited Erica over to stay with her and her family for the summer.

As Erica reads through her Grandfather's old diary, his involvement with some of the terrible things that happened at this time come to light - told through flashbacks with 'Demons' star Christian Cooke playing the young Len. 

The parallels between the occurrences in 1945 and those today do not go unnoticed by the intelligent Erica and she sets about retracing Len's footsteps on a personal, emotional mission to find out exactly what happened when he was serving. A supporting cast of "oh it's him from..." actors (including Coupling actor Ben Miles as Eliza's father) bring a heartbreaking and sometimes disturbing journey for 18-year-old Erica right into the homes of those watching. This isn't one for the squeamish. 

The dangerous, hateful environment of post-war Palestine and modern-day, politically-unstable Israel are brought to gorgeous, harrowing life by some of the best-shot scenes I have ever witnessed on television. 

Written by the brilliant Peter Kosminsky, The Promise gets right to the underlying heart of the problems in Israel today - but don't worry if you know nothing whatsoever about the problems there, as all is explained for you, subtly, throughout the series; indeed, explained better  and more fairly than most news reports have managed in recent years. There is a lot to take in, however, so this isn't one to sit down to with a bag of Doritos and a beer. Instead, settle down with a cup of tea and kid-free living room and devour this drama as I have.

I don't remember enjoying a television drama miniseries this much since Paul Abbot's State Of Play many years ago. This is something special, something important and something that everyone should at least take a look at. Rarely is such a delicate subject handled with such care whilst still exposing the bare, decaying bones of the issue. I cannot wait for the DVD release on February 28th. Simply outstanding television.

The Best On The Telly At The Moment...

It's only February and already 2011 has been a pretty good year for telly. We've had Episodes, Michel Roux's Service, Outcasts (snort), 10 O'Clock Live and so much more! And with new episodes of Doctor Who and Torchwood to look forward to (between them, taking us into Autumn) it seems that at least one evening a week will be worth spending slouched in front of the box until almost Christmas!

Tonight, 10 O'Clock Live carries on with its ever-increasing-in-quality run on Channel 4 and the fact that it is gaining momentum with each episode bodes well for a recommission. This is due at least in part to the cruel talents of satirist Charlie Brooker, who co-presents with David Mitchell, Lauren Laverne and Jimmy Carr. I've spoken on here about him before, so won't bore you with any more of my hero-worship-disguised-thinly-as-comment.

So, instead, a plea: If you have not been following 'Episodes' on the BBC then please catch up on iPlayer now. There's a link just over there *nods left* and all 6 of the episodes already broadcast are available to watch. You should. And please do so before next week's finale. This is a true gem of a show which has taken me - and critics - by complete surprise! It's charming yet crude; a bittersweet modern-classic. It feels new and fresh and, with Matt Le Blanc (who is great in this, but almost always shit in everything else) on board as a main character, that's quite an achievement! Oh, and don't forget Outcasts - though I couldn't tell you when it's on anymore. Sorry Outcast-Makers. <3

Black Swan

Um... Wow. So, I've got my breath back (which I held for most of the movie) and am just about ready to write my review of Black Swan when something hits me: It's left me completely and utterly speechless, a state I rarely find myself in. I'll do my best to purr through as neat a review as possible, but you will have to forgive me if my words become jumbled and my point lost.

A few myths to burst first, though. This is not - as many have said - an outstanding movie, as movies go. It often plays like a strange sub-budget horror, sometimes like a low-budget drama and sometimes like looking through the window at a dance class. Black Swan has been over-hyped.

No, not "over-hyped", mis-hyped. What's amazing about this film is not the quality of the cinematography (although it is top-notch), or the talent of the actors (although, again, hard to fault) or even the outstanding score that drags every last ounce of nerve from your body without ever letting you know it's doing so. What blew my mind about this film is how it feels.

Black Swan - and indeed Natalie Portman, especially - unnerved me in such a way that I honestly didn't know what I thought of it, even at the end. Even now! I can't tell you it's a marvellous piece of modern film-making; it might be, but I don't know! I have been left breathless. Call this what you will - psychological thriller, study in obsession, lesbian-horn-fest with ballet - one thing it definitely is is dangerous.

None of the characters are very nice people, not even our hero. None of the action takes place quite in "our world", but then again there is nothing supernatural about this movie. 

And the men's chants of "but there are lesbians in it, so it must be worth a look" are also drowned out by the sheer classiness of this picture. What sexual - or, I should say, sensual - scenes there are in this movie feel required and uncomfortable in equal measure - not a bad thing in any way. 

It's not a happy film, although there isn't really a "sadness" to it either. All in all it leaves you feeling - if anything - without any feeling at all. Literally. Unable to process what you've seen, or even move! It is one of the few films I have ever seen that have left me utterly without comment, in a good way. It gets under your skin and drags all of those prickly feelings right to the surface. If you want to know more, watch it. Because it's the only way you'll know what I mean.

I really didn't fancy this movie at all. But I cannot tell you just how special it is. Good? Very. Great? Maybe. Memorable? Definitely. And do you know what? It could be the most interesting piece of cinema I've seen in many years. And one more thing; Ballet is beautiful. Very, very beautiful.

The Ghost (2010)

An hour and a half into The Ghost (or The Ghost Writer, depending on where you're watching it) I was ready to switch the movie off and move on to something that wasn't such a slow-burner. But I didn't. I'd heard okay things about the film and - just like with books - think it's unfair to give up once you're locked in. I'm so glad I stuck with it.

The film follows Ewan McGregor's character, an unnamed ghost-writer hired to complete the memoirs of controversial ex-UK Prime Minister Adam Lang, who is "hiding away" in his New York retreat after being accused of war crimes. Lang's previous ghost-writer died in a tragic drunken accident and his successor has only 2 weeks to make the changes and complete the book. As the Ghost digs deeper into Lang's past - starting with his early years as an actor when he was at Cambridge - he uncovers a number of discrepancies in the story of Lang's political beginnings. 

So what begins as a very quick way of making an awful lot of money suddenly becomes an obsession that takes the Ghost further out of his depth than he ever thought he could be. Too quickly he discovers that even the most open and telling memoirs have gaping holes within.

It's a slow movie. It's not a race-to-the-finish, but a level and beautifully understated piece of film that some may see as badly acted. There are a few duff performances - not least from Sex And The City star Kim Cattrall (is that an English accent? Or American? South African, maybe?!) - but once you get past those (and you will) then this is a surreal and claustrophobic conspiracy thriller which will have you not only on the edge of your seat but bouncing on it. As the story ticks closer and closer to what seems a routine close the suspense it upped ten-fold and the final ten minutes, where the pieces fall into place properly, are some of the most tense scenes I have ever witnessed on film. And as for the last 30 seconds: I yelled "no!" at my TV.

The Ghost is far from a perfect movie, but on a drizzly Monday afternoon it has not only held my attention but left me with a big grin on my face as well. McGregor is great as the anonymous "hero" and Brosnan oozes smarmy charisma as the not-at-all-meant-to-be-Tony-Blair ex-PM. A proper old-fashioned suspense movie, see this if you can.

Getting In Touch With My Feminine Side (Reluctantly)

I've postponed this day for long enough. I've avoided watching Mamma Mia on principle, but I've been coerced into doing so tonight. So I'm about to delve into a flashy, sunny world of singing movie stars and ABBA songs. Everyone says it's good - and a drunken Aunt has managed to make me sit down with it.

I also have a horrible feeling that I'll like it, which doesn't bode well at all considering I've dodged anything to do with this movie as if it were carrying a terrible disease! But I've cracked, I've given up. IF I like it, then I'll add to this post and tell you all how I plan to end my life out of shame... If not, I'll complete this post with a ruthless slating of the world's favourite puff-piece. Only time will tell... I'll go now, watch it and report back, below, in a while...

[watches movie] Right, well it seems like I will be dying of an overdose of FEEL GOOD! That was one of the most annoying experiences of my life: It is literally impossible to not like Mamma Mia. I wish I could say otherwise but this is clearly one of those films that will cheer up even the drizzliest of days. I sang, hummed, tapped and clicked my way through every infuriatingly familiar song. It seems that giving in to this really was the right thing to do...

The Social Network (A Late-To-The-Party Review)

I live online. I spend a good 40% of my day on Twitter, or some other social network. The term "social network" is a broad one. It could mean anything from 'online society' to 'tribe in the jungle'. There's a lot of them out there too, online. We all use them... But it's not all pokes and @'s. There's a story to tell behind the biggest of the social network monsters. And that story - be it completely true or not - has been told. 

David Fincher's film The Social Network tells the story behind the roots of Facebook. Focusing on the people who may or may not have had a direct hand in the creation of the online monster it is a classic "trust exercise" movie in the vein of Primer. Only this one is at least part-true.

It's not all straightforward business dealing. In fact, none of it is. Facebook began as a hobby - or a test - and became a billion dollar industry all of its own. Fincher's film tells the story of the people behind it and how their downfall meant very little to them since they'd already made enough money to buy you, me and every other person reading this review ten times over. And I guarantee that when you watch the movie, as you all should because it is an exceptional piece of cinema, you'll be a little more thoughtful about how and why you use social networking sites. This is something of a cautionary tale for us web-dwellers - albeit a well-hidden one. I could write for hours about this movie, but I won't. I won't tell you that the cinematography is some of the best I've ever seen, or that the cast are outstanding - even Justin Timberlake, or that every second of the movie feels like you're waiting for someone to fall over - the type of anticipation you never want to feel, but love to feel when you do. 

It's a truly fascinating and somewhat understated slice of film that offers enough fact to make it interesting and enough fiction to make it exciting. It shows how an idea can become so much more. And how, if handled irresponsibly, that idea can eat us up... I didn't move throughout this film - except to update my Twitter feed (ironic or what?). I'd watch it again tomorrow. A real modern classic. This will be watched in the future as All The President's Men is watched today - a fictionalised slice of modern history. And when a website is considered History, even by a humble blogger like myself, then you really know it's the future.

Service Is Over

If you've been watching the wonderful Michel Roux's Service as avidly as myself then you should know that it's almost over - it's on tonight at 8pm (BBC2) and tomorrow night - then that's it! Tonight sees the trainees serving more well-known guests - Gok Wan, Sophie Ellis-Bexter and Dairmuid Gavin - as they return to London after serving every type of customer thinkable, from snotty toffs to smelly builders. And what a journey it has been! Highs, lows and tantrums - we've seen it all. We've met a bunch of people from all walks of life who have succeeded admirably at making themselves some of the most likeable reality tv contestants (if you could call them that, I wouldn't) that have ever appeared on screen - every single one of them charming and gracious. I've loved every minute of this series and am genuinely sad to see it end. It's been the best thing on TV this year so far.

I think if you were to ask them, though, the trainees would say that they've had a wonderful (if sometimes stressful) experience. Well, guess what? You CAN ask them. TVResearcher.co.uk is hosting a live web-chat with many of the people we've watched blossom into the sort of service staff we're not used to in this country.  I'm going to do my very best to pop over and say my "hellos" (and maybe apologise for a comment I made on Twitter about a certain trainee, something that was not unpleasant or derogatory, but was never meant to be read by her... who knew she was on Twitter?! I do, now!) and I suggest you should all pop by too. Just click the link above (then follow the very short and harmless registration) at 9pm to ask the guys, to their face (sort of), what the hell they were thinking when they agreed to this and whether they're glad they did! :)

Hopefully, I'll see you there!

Episodes (BBC)

It's a strange old beast, is Episodes. It has a "feel" to it that sets it apart from most other comedies on the box at the moment. It's very funny, pretty interesting and filled to the brim with excellent performances, not least by Matt LeBlanc - but it seems to be slipping below many people's radar. 

Telling the tale of the compromises that need to be made when adapting a smash-hit British TV series for American network television - from the inside (something that many screenwriters have cited as being scarily accurate) -  Episodes stars Stephen Mangan and Tamsin Greig as a British screen-writer couple forced to bend over for the yanks. 

Matt LeBlanc plays himself as the new star of the adapted series - replacing Richard Griffiths as the lead in the American version - and really it's Matt's performance that goes a long, long way to making this show so much fun. Stacked storeys high with bad language and sarcastic 'Brits in America' situations, Episodes really bridges the gap between British sit-com and American studio-com in a way that no other show has before - in my opinion. Fusing together the cringe-humour of the likes of The Office and Extras with the glossy laugh-inducers of Friends and Seinfeld, the show makes for often uncomfortable, but never unpleasant viewing.

It takes an episode to kick in properly. The opener is - again, in my opinion - the weakest of the four episodes we've been given so far. But since there's an arc set in place even before the credits roll on episode one (indeed, the ending is more or less laid out for the series in advance, with the rest of the shows taking place in a sort of flashback) there's a real sense of journey to this piece. Even when some of the jokes hit a little lower than Network Telly usually would in the States, or the bad language shocks you into realising you're not watching a glossy laugh-on-cue clone that so many American comedies are these days, the show never feels like "a British sit-com set in America", which it isn't really, anyway. It has gigantic charm and the episodes fly by fast enough to leave you wanting more. For my money, this is well worth digging out if you haven't already seen it.