I'm back!

It's been a while, so I'm sorry. Please stay tuned! X

Christmas Is Coming!

The fiftieth anniversary special of Doctor Who is just around the corner, and what with trailers, interviews, leaked photos from set and gossip from the cast, there's a fairly huge amount of info about it doing the rounds.

But what of Matt Smith's final episode? What of the Christmas Special? Well, here are a few hints at what we can expect! Just a few teasers, nothing seriously spoilery! But read on at your own risk:

-Matt's regeneration (or the circumstances surrounding it, anyway) has more than little in common with that of the First Doctor.

-He's still got one more than the Daleks! (Legs, that is...)

-Silence MUST AND WILL fall when the question is asked.

-Expect enemies galore! But not all of them are real.

-Matt really is the 'Kids' Doctor' - there are drawings to prove it!

-An intimate area of a previous companion (sort of, anyway "LOL!") makes an important reappearance.

-Clara's a teacher?!

-Moffat is most definitely making his first Doctor the longest-serving incarnation! 

-The "Tenth" Doctor was so, so vain. To "Eleven"'s detriment, it would seem!

-But where on Earth can it all go from there?!

Trailers, interviews and images from the fiftieth are available all over the bloody place. Google! 

Dead Ends

After a day of searching the Internet and the streets of Cardiff for Doctor Who filming - and after FOUR (yes, four) false alarms - we have admitted defeat: we don't know where they are today.

Day One:

Crew 1 -  0 Fans

A Fresh Start!

Doctor Who begins shooting on its Christmas Special today, so after months on inactivity I'M BACK! 

Stay tuned for set reports as and when we them!

Tomb Raider

I remember when I was given my very first PlayStation. I got Rayman 2 and Disruptor with it. I loved both games and thought I was so cool. Then my mates told me all about this busty kick-ass character called Lara Something and I thought hard about how to ask my parents for a game that had a woman with boobs in it... I was a kid. These things spring to mind as issues!

Almost two decades later and it's my girlfriend who's buying me the Tomb Raider game! Boobs and all! Only, hang on... roll back a little. Because the boobs have been made largely irrelevant! As have any Tomb Raider titles in the last decade.

Tomb Raider is a total reboot of the franchise, charting the very first steps of a naive and inexperienced Lara Croft, Archaeology Graduate, into the world of adventuring. When the crew of the Endurance are shipwrecked on a mysterious and storm-laden island somewhere off the coast of Japan a wet-behind-the-ears (and all over) Lara must seek out, rejoin and save her research associates before they fall victim to the mysterious Solarii cult led by the maniacal Father Mathias.

Gone are the days of shimmying from unusually straight rock edge to unusually straight rock edge (though there is some rock shimmying), and here are the days of brutal, desperate survival at all costs. Tomb Raider isn't about raiding tombs (though there is some tomb raiding); it's about Lara's unforgiving struggle to not die on this lonely, rocky, dangerous rock. And more than any other game I have played in the last few years it delivers thrills by the barrel-load. The movie-like (yet player-controlled) action sequences are unrivaled by any game I have played in terms of sheer terror and nerve.

There is some pretty violent combat (though always necessary and regrettable) but you could almost make it the whole way through this game without killing. But where's the fun in that, right? Well, judging by Lara's reaction to her first kill, it'd be her preferred method! This game has euphemistic body parts by the bucket-load; heart, brains, muscle, balls and, more than all of those, legs! This is the probable new first chapter to an all new Tomb Raider franchise that could very really eclipse the polygonal package that has come before it.

I've yet to finish the main story mode so I shall keep my thoughts about just how complete a first chapter this feels until I've done so. But judging on the spine-tingling journey I've been on so far, this game could just become my favourite ever. Everyone loves Lara but, until you play Tomb Raider, nobody loves her enough. This isn't the wise-cracking, smart-dressing, ass-kicking Lara of old; Angelina Jolie couldn't play this new Lara. This Lara is a real, living, breathing character with a sense of conscious and no experience when it comes to doing just what she has to do: kill or be killed.

If you're a fan of the old, jumpy, crawly, shooty Tomb Raider then you should either avoid this game or embrace it as a new beast. This is not platform gaming-by-numbers as many of the TR sequels were. This is as close to dangerous, bloody, real-life terror as any game has ever got. This game is breathtaking. Buy it!

Hide

Um... I thought this was going to be a ghost story! And it sort of was; well, a ghast story. But there was so, so much more going on! All over the place! Um...

 So, the Doctor and Clara turn up in the 1970s at a house where a war-haunted scientist/ghost hunter and a cute empath are about to attempt to contact the spirit of the Witch of the Well, a seemingly ever-present (and ever-afraid) lost soul who has called out for help. There's a bit of spooky wandering about and bumping noises, some horror-staple creepiness and some lovely jumpy bits. And then the episode took a side-step into a territory nobody really expected it to go.

You see, the ghast is actually the echo of a time traveler from the future who has crash landed in a collapsing pocket universe that is running at a very different speed - one second in that universe lasts about 100,000 years in ours. This has resulted in the image of a frightened woman imprinting itself across history in the same area, inflicting the same second of terror and distress on unsuspecting house-guests for generations. And she's being chased by a hideous creature that seems to want passage to our realm!

It sounds bonkers and it was, but it was very, very good! 'Hide' managed to cram an effective ghost story, a quiet romance, some arc-plot, some great sci-fi action and a big, silly ending into a 45 minute period that should have felt too busy but didn't. Lost Time Traveler Hilla turned out to be the great-great-granddaughter of the awkward couple-to-be guest stars, Dougray Scott (wonderfully underplaying a man who's seen far too much in his time) and Jessica Raine (companion material, if you ask me!) And despite looking a bit silly up-close, that Crooked Man was as freaky as they come! 

The story of the week was wonderful - a close contender for the best we've had all series. But it was one scene in particular that stood out as something special in my eyes; There's something very unnerving about seeing the TARDIS being bitchy and mean to the companion. She doesn't like Clara one bit, does she? I can't wait to find out why! There is nothing about this episode that didn't grab my imagination and drag it through the streets, hitting it with a stick. There wasn't a second of the last two acts of this episode that I expected. This was billed as a ghost story and wasn't. A surprise for us all, I think.

If Bells was a modern tech thriller, Ring was a space opera and Cold War was a classic homage then Hide was... like nothing we've really seen before. Genuinely original, genuinely odd and very, very good fun. We're half way through 7b and I'm loving it all!

Next week we Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS - which is kind of a big deal!

Olympus Has Fallen

Today I was lucky enough to attend a preview screening of Gerard Butler's new action epic (for which read "big, silly, shooty, blowy-upy film") 'Olympus Has Fallen'. And I bloody enjoyed it!

Basically, Korean terrorists muscle their way onto US soil, into US airspace and into the US's whitest house - The White House - and take President Harvey Dent and his staff hostage. Disgraced Jack Bauer-alike Mike Banning (Butler) is forced back into action as the only one-man kick-ass machine in the area at the time (all the others are horribly killed by massive guns during the first fifteen minutes of the movie). Of course, the stakes are high as the Korean madman running the show is trying to get his hands on the codes for a secret Nuke-stopping safe-guard system that will leave the USA largely undefended.

This is a brave (if overly bold) movie that doesn't pull its punches for a second (except that very last second when the Americans obviously have to win); the terrorists have no qualms whatsoever about shooting important and likable characters in the face without warning just to get the attention of Acting President Morgan Freeman (a warmonger plunged into a situation that leaves him totally out of his depth) and us, the audience. The death count is very, very high throughout and there is enough blood and guts to push this good looking (if CGI heavy) gem into the fun-but-gritty realms of 'Die Hard With A Vengeance' rather than the safer territory of 'Die Hard 5: The Unwarranted And Unbelievable Money-Spinner'.

I won't go into plot intricacies (there aren't many) but even if I did it wouldn't spoil the story as you've already seen it a million times; it's all unexpected combat skills, sharp one-liners and eleventh-hour rescues. The film also has some very funny, very sweet dialogue too, however, which make you really care about the characters in ways that most action blockbusters never quite manage. There are great performances throughout, too. Aaron Eckhart just passes as Presidential but remains human throughout - a wonderful performance. The same must be said about Butler, who somehow manages to out-do both Bauer and McClane in terms of ballsy brute force and no-nonsense villain-killing.

If you're looking for a balls-out action gunfest then this is a great choice. Switch of your cynical brain, sit back and enjoy a cartoon-patriotic love letter to America, made by Americans for Americans; this is the '24' movie they never got around to making. I loved it. It was a big, loud, flashy, exciting One Man Army staple. A wonderful addition to the Unbelievably OTT Action Epic Hall Of Fame. A grisly, sweary and - most of all - FUN two hours. Take your Dad along with you and he will love you forever!

'Olympus Has Fallen' comes out on general release this weekend. Go and see it. You probably won't regret it. And even if you do, at least you're one of the very few survivors!

Cold War

Wow. If ever there was an episode to divide opinion in the most surprising way then it was this. Cold War, Mark Gatiss' Ice Warrior return; in my opinion the best episode of the whole of series seven (including the Ponds' last five).

Let's get it out of the way straight away; there was little in terms of actual plot in this episode, but its claustrophobic setting and near-real-time format meant that it hardly needed anything to push it along. The story was very simple and, I think, very effective.

In 1983 a Russian Nuclear submarine finds a creature encased in Arctic ice and ill-advisedly thaws it out. The creature was a Martian Ice Warrior which had been frozen for more than five thousand years. A clumsy attack from the Russians is all it takes to send this confused and desperate soldier into attack mode. Enter the Doctor and Clara, missing Vegas by miles and years.

Without retelling the tale frame by frame, it was up to the Doc to mediate between frightened humans and deadly Martian. And that's it. Forty minutes of an alien stalking the atmospheric innards of a leaky submarine. And it worked.

Many claim it was boring; I can't agree. It was hellishly suspenseful, taking the singular threat format of series one's 'Dalek' and adding the fact that this alien probably could be reasoned with! Others claim nothing happened; again, I can't agree, although I concede that what could have been a more perilous hunt was softened by the episode being a single-parter. With a little more of a journey this would have made a fabulous two-parter.

Still others claim that the dialogue was clunky in places, which I will agree with. There were too many attempts to force the fact that this was happening in the 80s down our throats and a few clunky "we've seen these monsters before" reminders too. But I don't care. After last week's disappointing if pleasant offering, this week dragged me back into my love for Doctor Who with a great story of desperation and responsibility told with a minimalism that only adds to the pleasure of watching.

Cold War was simple, creepy and looked great. Even the Ice Warrior armour - something that has always looked so silly that even a redesign can't shake the giggles - was used to brilliant effect, ramping up the peril by giving a knowing audience something they aren't familiar with, even after 39 years of knowing the baddies. Seeing the Ice Warrior out of its armour could have been a very bad idea, but it was handled with style; the vicious, if slender, claws slowly grasping from the darkness more than makes up for the rather generic CGI face we got (but shouldn't have got) to see towards the end.

All in all, I have one or two niggles and no complaints. I loved it. I've watched it three times already and will be doing so again later tonight too. It was a lovely surprise - it could have been awful and it really, really wasn't.

The Rings Of Akhaten - Tried Too Hard

Okay, before I tear it into pieces, please believe me when I say that Rings held my attention and that I did actually enjoy it. I don't hate the episode and the great thing about Doctor Who, for me, is that I like some rubbish episodes and dislike some great ones. So...

My problem with many sci fi novels on the market - some of which are praised as wonderful by others - is the way that some authors go far too far with the "fi" bit. When I read a blurb that goes "The Ice moon of Blaagrat has been at war with the fire moon of Ghamalshaal for fifty generations. Countless lives have been lost, found, then lost again. But the tribesmen of Booshan think they've finally found the key to peace - a young shaman boy named Bookgraaval!" I go Zzzzzz!

This week's Doctor Who was a bit like that for me. An alien ceremony on an alien world with a hidden and horrible threat that poses no threat at all, in any real terms - there was no way in the world that anything bad was going to happen. Even when the Star (which was the real villain apparently, rendering a well-realised "mummy" alien more than redundant) was seconds from destroying all that surrounded it, before moving on to devour all life in the universe, the people gathered for the ceremony remained seated and watching, as though it was a nothing more threatening than a stage-play. 

Someone on Twitter said it felt like an opera and they are right, in a way it did! But then, it wasn't trying to be. It was still trying to be exciting and action-packed family entertainment. Kids will love the monsters, the soppier among us will love the sentiment, but those looking for jeopardy and weight would need to look elsewhere, in my opinion - and Operas need those things too.

Then there were the Vigil, who look fantastic and carried a menace that was lacking in both the star of Akhaten and the Mummy that was its... what... decoy? But the Vigil were introduced and disposed of in a minute. Two at the most. It was disappointing.

When Doctor Who does "big alien planet" it tends to either look TOO CGI and epic, which removes some of the personality of the inhabitants, or it looks like a corner of an aircraft hanger dressed to be "a corner of an alien market" or the like. Tonight's Who gave us both of those. The setting was odd. A system-wide event of cosmic significance watched only by a few thousand gathered aliens. It was a case of trying too hard to look too good. Doctor Who, for my money and especially since its HD days, looks better when shot on location - in forests, wastelands, on beaches, streets and rooftops or even within spaceships - but tonight's episode looked every bit like it was filmed on a sound stage.

It was all a bit gentle. It was all a bit small beer for the setting, despite a cosmic threat (which I never found myself believing was much of a threat at all). And the characters were few: Clara, The Doctor and The Queen of Years (unfortunately child actors never fare too well in Who) and a hundred or so "generic alien-headed monsters". It felt like a badly-adapted novel done on a budget. But I still enjoyed it, a bit. Enough to watch again if I needed something to watch but not enough to tune in to if it was repeated on schedule.

Overall, the emotion was forced, the threat was weak and disposed of too easily, the great ideas within (the Doctor's history being vast, Clara's history being powerful) were thrown away. The humour was a little too childish (barking aliens and alien fruit) and the ending happened without me really noticing.

What saved this episode in terms of importance to the ongoing story were one or two little things that could have been missed if the plot (there was one, I'm assured) had caused you to zone out a bit: Clara's little snub by the TARDIS ("It doesn't like me") and the fact that she has a seemingly ordinary past. And the last three minutes, where it's clear that neither lead character trusts the other completely, was the most exciting part of the whole 43 minutes: my heart actually fluttered when that TARDIS door closed between them!

A lovely episode to throw on when there's nothing on telly and you've watched all your favourite episodes of Who to death already that week; it's a "I haven't watched that in a while" type of episode, I think. But The Rings Of Akhaten was lacking a little something for me. Weakest episode this series, including The Snowmen and the five that came before it. Ice Warrior on a submarine next week. I hope it lives up to my expectations!

BBC Rule Eccleston Out For 50th

So today, responding to rumours that Christopher Eccleston had "stormed out" of preparations for the Doctor Who Fiftieth Anniversary Special, the BBC have stated that nothing so dramatic has taken place and that Eccleston was never on board to appear in the special. 

So that means we know, for sure, that we're getting the Tenth Doctor and the Eleventh Doctor, but definitely not getting the Ninth. And I think I'm okay with that! I'd like to see Paul McGann involved but, again, it wouldn't be the end of the world if he wasn't. Interesting that there's no news either way on him as of yet. I wouldn't be at all shocked if he showed up - he's high on my list of Best Doctors.

So, Ten and Rose, Zygons, John Hurt, Eleven and Clara, Joanna Page as Elizabeth I (probably) and many, many more surprises promised... This is going to be one hell of a treat after all!

Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Episode News

Loads of news has arrived over these last few days about the 50th Anniversary episode of Doctor Who:

David Tennant and Billie Piper have been confirmed as appearing in the special feature length episode, alongside current Doctor Matt Smith and his most recent companion Clara, played by Jenna Louise Coleman. Speculation is rife among fans as to whether this is actually the Tenth Doctor or whether it is the "metacrisis Doctor" created half human in Journey's End. Recent filming locations would suggest this is the Doctor and Rose, pulled from their timeline of adventures in series two.

Appearing as guest stars along side two confirmed Doctors and two great companions are "Gavin & Stacey" star Joanna Page and screen legend (and shit dragon) John Hurt. It promises to be a massive, massive adventure - and we've only just broken the skin of what to expect!

Possibly most exciting of all the news to break is today's enemy announcement. The Zygons are back! The ugly looking fella above (the second spot-on redesign of a classic monster in so many weeks) was spotted filming scenes set (it would appear) in medieval times (or somewhen). As usual, just before the news could go properly viral, the BBC released this promo image, assuring once more that they get the scoop and not the pesky Fans With Cameras. Isn't it beautiful?! More when we get it. Stay tuned!

The Bells Of Saint John (I guessed what that meant!!!)

And breath. After far too long a wait Doctor Who is back! And, judging by the reaction to tonight's episode - The Bells Of Saint John - online, it didn't disappoint! So what did we get?

Well, the episode title was just a clever play on words. The Doctor, having spent a long while almost alone in a Cumbrian monastery investigating the Clara issue, receives a call on the TARDIS phone: they are the Bells of Saint John, geddit?

And on the other end of that line is Clara, in present day, in need of tech support - she can't seem to connect to the internet. Next thing you know The Doctor and Clara are off on their first (third?) adventure!

The episode got straight to the point. Something sinister within the wifi seems to be capturing people's "souls" and holding them. Camouflaged "Spoonhead" robots are stalking the streets, acting as walking base stations.  

It seemed that Celia Imrie's Miss Kizlet was behind it all - until that last minute reveal which sets the series up as we plough on.

As series openers go, this was up there with the best of them, combining a clever, creepy threat with enough chatting time to flesh our new companion out. And she's lovely! Jenna-Louise Coleman was superb. I'm reserving the right to bleat more about just how wonderful she is as the series progresses. I think it is safe to say that she's made a massive impact on the fans. I wonder how many people will be to embarrassed to complain after their social networking accounts are hacked - it'll be their own fault for changing every password they have to 'rycbar123'...

Matt Smith, too, is completely back on form. He seems to have shaken off his awkward "I'm a bit awkward yet still super-cool" cloak that covered so much of his Doctorishness toward the end of the last half of the series. He's more like "Series Five Doctor" than he's been since, well... series five.

The Bells Of Saint John was action packed enough to keep the adrenaline up but had plenty of quiet pauses, into which (it seems) the production crew have slipped plenty of clues, references, hints at the "bigger story" and nice little nods to the past. Keep your eyes open for the return of Page One!

All in all, I personally loved this new episode and it seems that most others I've spoken to loved it too. There's lots more to come and much more of the mystery left to uncover. Who is Clara Oswald? Or maybe... maybe... What is she? Maybe? Maybe. We've got seven more episodes to see before we're going to get a full answer to the question that is inevitably going to be the through-thread to this half of what could be the best series of Doctor Who since its return!

Stay tuned!

Doctor Who Finally Returns!

We've waited long enough but next weekend - on March 30th - Doctor Who finally returns with the sixth episode of its seventh series, The Bells Of St John, starring Matt Smith as The Doctor and Jenna Louise Coleman as his most recent companion Clara Oswald.

Something's using the WiFi for nefarious means in episode six, and it's up to the Doctor and recently refound companion Clara to put things right. But rest assured, the doors will be opened onto a bigger mystery. One that may even be beyond the Doctor's comprehension. Who IS Clara Oswald?! Why does she keep popping up?! 

Don't expect all the answers at once because Moffat and the gang have eight episodes ready to thrill us with before we're thrown head first into the 50th Anniversary celebrations this Autumn - celebrations that have already divided fandom, despite nobody really knowing what we're going to get.

But before we get there we can expect to see deadly enemies, old and new, as well as some welcome friends of yester-Christmas. Packed with special guest stars (Celia Imrie in this first episode) as usual, this run promises to be every bit as thrilling as ever!

Below you can see the prequel to The Bells Of St John which was released online today by the BBC. It's very sweet and sets up the mystery to come very well, even if that ending is signposted from a mile off. I have a feeling this next eight episodes could be some of the best we've ever had.

Unfortunately, they could be some of the last episodes to feature Matt Smith as the Doctor. Rumour has it he's set to regenerate in this year's Christmas Special. I hope, but not disrespectfully, that Moffat goes with him, opening the series up to new talent. It did wonders for the show when Moffat took over and it's about time the same happened again.

So with any luck, this time next Saturday I'll be penning an excited intro post to what some reviewers have called "the best series opener we've ever had" (though The Eleventh Hour will be a tough one to beat). Only time will tell! And there isn't that long left to wait. Let's do this.

Here's the prequel to The Bells Of St John:

Derek

Ricky Gervais's most recent creation, Derek, has inevitably divided opinion - some think it's offensive to people with learning difficulties or disabilities, others think it is a sweet and harmless portrayal of a character we don't usually get to see the likes of. I think I'm in the latter camp. In a nutshell the show is this: a totally kind and selfless - yet odd - man works at a care home for the elderly. That's it. There's no making fun or being derogatory to anyone with disabilities at all, as far as I can tell.

The supporting cast are spectacular (most notably, a surprisingly good turn by Karl Pilkington as the home's put-upon yet happy-to-help and totally no-nonsense handyman Douggie.The show is warm, cheeky, usually funny and always a little sad. It's lovely. I'm enjoying it very much. Last one next week, so you can catch up on 4OD now!

A Return!

Oh God! It's been so long since I've blogged about anything that I've almost forgotten how to do it. But I used to love doing it (indeed, still do) so I'm making a promise to post more often. Starting today, with the return of Being Human! Alongside that, there are some other great shows available to watch lately too. Channel 4's Utopia and Netflix's original series House Of Cards have both had me hooked! I'll be telling you all I have to say about all three very soon, so stay tuned!

It's nice to be back :)

EDIT: Due to no internet for a week, no computer for two weeks and no telly you'll have to wait a little longer for these reviews... Sorry.

Doctor Who - The Snowmen (First Thoughts)

The Snowmen is the best Christmas Special since Steven Moffat took over, without a doubt. And, for such a complex and busy event, it keeps confusing exposition monologues or wispy godlike prophecy right out of the equation. It is many things and all of them work. Here's how:

Firstly, it's a rip-roaring adventure story. A classic Base Under Siege tale that managed to pull the Doctor from a grief-induced retirement and into a Christmassy yet Chilling alien invasion story. Details and motive are brushed over to make room for scary monsters and creepy villains. 

It has humour and jeopardy but never veers too far into slapstick or unbelievable doom. We meet new friends and old friends and there's even a little nod to an enemy of old that most won't know but fans can pat themselves on the back for knowing. Moffat knows his audience, too - we get the best returning characters, Sherlock Holmes references and enough wink-wink innuendo to keep Tumblr bubbling.

Secondly, this is an introduction to our new companion. And it's done well. There's no big drama, no prophecy or centre-of-the-universeness (yet). Just a capable, intelligent girl who catches the Doctor's eye by asking the right questions and having the same thirst for rule-breaking. Clara Oswin Oswald (for that is the name on her gravestone) is set to be great fun! I just wish I had the first clue as to what she's all about! I wouldn't expect this all cleared up in 8 episodes this year if I were you. As we have been told, this gets more complicated before it gets clearer.

And then, shrouding all this, The Snowmen is a Christmas Special! Big names, snowy Victoriana, action, sadness, a bit of heart-string-tugging emotion and lots of snarling Doctor Who Monsters made this something special. And on top of a cracker of an episode, a new companion, a new mystery, an old villain, a star-studded cast and THAT trailer, we also got a new TARDIS interior (lovely!) and a brand new title sequence and theme arrangement (including a blink and you'll miss it face in the titles). Christmas afternoon telly at its best and 100 times more enjoyable than the too-clever-and-too-busy effort we were given last year. Great fun. Not just a lovely Christmas special ep, but a pretty decent episode full stop!

So, what of our new girl? Well, she's fabulous. And we met two of her... Which means we've not met "Clara Oswin Oswald" three times in all and she STILL hasn't joined as companion! Her story promises to be one hell of a mystery. I hope Moffat knows what he's doing. I suppose only time will tell! I'm excited. That 7b trailer has me bouncing impatiently on my chair. I think I'm most intrigued about the episode featuring our heroes on an aeroplane! Not long to wait now. Another few months... And the wait for Christmas wasn't too bad, was it? Was it? It was, wasn't it. Bugger.

If I Ruled The X Factor...

So that's another year's X Factor over with, almost. And I've watched roughly an hour and a half of this whole series. I've done my best to keep up with the buzz on Twitter but I really couldn't be arsed to give up my entire weekend for a show I cannot help but think is deeply flawed.

So, as I've probably done before but am too lazy to check on, I shall tell you how I would do The X Factor if I was in charge.

First off, I'd scrap the Theme Of The Week. There's no use giving an awesome RnB singer Dancing Queen to sing on ABBA week. They'd be voted out because that's not their thang! So many great, talented acts have been lost mid-series thanks to their inability to adapt to some Theme that really isn't their thing. All this bollocks about "going out of your comfort zone" is bullshit. Eminem wouldn't throw a Beatles cover on his album, but he's a marvellous rapper! Nobody wants to make (or buy) an album consisting of two ABBA covers, a Christmas song, something to do with love, something that's thought of as a "guilty pleasure" (don't even get me fucking started on that term!) and a frigging unknown 80's power ballad that was No1 in Azerbaijan for a week.

Next, reduce the number of contestants, the number of weeks the show runs for and the number of auditions shown. Sure, it's great to see the funny auditions, but they could throw a couple of episodes on ITV2 showing nothing but shit acts. A week of decent auditions, a week of Boot Camp, the Judges Houses selection weekend and then on to the live shows where ten acts, not bloody twenty and a "wild card" or whatever, sing one song each for the first three weeks (with an elimination each week) and then two each until the final week where the top three acts sing three songs (of their choice and their style) until a winner is crowned. The Mentor system remains, but there are no categories; simply a few acts each, randomly assigned.

Then, instead of giving the winner a shitty cover or an "uplifting ballad that retells their X Factor journey" have them spend a while in the studio, with a few writers and musicians, where they'll come up with a single that matches their talents and style. The songs they've chosen to sing all series (covers) will still be available to download from iTunes or wherever. No need to rush out a shit song; spend some time on a decent single that the winning artist can proudly put on their album.

And then the name "The X Factor" will seem less pretentious and less contradictory, frankly. I don't think that ANY of the X Factor winners have what I think The X Factor means. They're all carbon copies of Robbie, Will Young,  Beyonce, Whitney, Britney and bloody McFly or [insert teeny boyband here].

See? Telly magic.

Asylum Of The Daleks

Now was that worth the wait? I'm voting yes!

Dragged to Skaro, then to the Dalek Parliament on some dodgy errand for the mysterious Darla von Karlsen (obviously Dalek something, anagramfans!) the Doctor, Amy and Rory find themselves in the midst of the most insane and dangerous mission they've ever had - probably. They must enter The Asylum Of The Daleks! 

You all watched it! Of course you did! so let's skip the recap and get straight to the meat of the story. Instead of appearing when she was meant to appear,  naughty Jenna Louise Coleman showed up about five minutes into Asylum and gave everyone who didn't know she's be there (which, considering thousands had already seen this at screenings the world over and the fact that her appearance was leaked on forums this week anyway, probably wasn't many) a big surprise! But she wasn't playing the companion character here, as far as we know... No, no! This character was called Oswin Oswald and was the Junior Entertainments Manager on Starship Alaska until its fatal plunge onto the surface of the Dalek Asylum planet... Okay, I said no recap. I'm sorry!

This episode was very, very overhyped. I'm not saying it wasn't a good episode - it was. A very good episode, great even! But the hype-hangover from the screenings and the constant reminder that it was to feature EVERY DALEK EVER pushed this one into the stratosphere in terms of expectations. Some would have expected a massive, action-packed Dalek adventure. That's not what you got here.

What you got was - and I'm not complaining, because I'd rather this, personally - a small Dalek story with a nice big mystery at the centre. Because Oswin was no ordinary extraordinary computer hacking genius junior entertainments manager from the future! She was in fact a girl who had become a Dalek still dreaming that she was a girl. A girl making soufflés. The clue was right there, really - a genius with a whisk, had to be a Dalek.

What this means - and what other Big New Things mean - for the future of the series I do not know. But those Things were well-played and nicely explained. First off, we got to see the Parliament of the Daleks and meet their Prime Minister. We also learn that Daleks are able to adapt human physiology to create a kind of Dalek Puppet; a sleeper agent that has no idea it is on a mission for the Daleks until the eye stalk pokes out of their forehead. Both of these are interesting new additions to the Dalek legend and you'll either like them or not. I did. I thought the idea that the Daleks have a home again, a base from where their twisted logic is written and passed out as Dalek Law and that they can now get closer to their victims than ever before creates an extra level of power and malice to them. The Daleks were truly made scary again this week. 

But the biggest mysteries of all could spell mystery and danger in what's to come. Now that Oswin - the One Good Dalek - has erased every scrap of information about the Doctor from the Dalek's memories are they still his biggest and most feared enemy? Isn't he now free to do whatever the hell he likes to them? They don't know who he is, as illustrated in a smashing little gag where the entire Parliament chant "Doctor who?!" at his as he skips away for adventures aplenty as per. I fear this interesting (and, yes - for once, Moffat, you were telling the truth - Game Changing) event will end up coming back and biting the Doctor on his big, smug arse. You mark my words; when he'll NEED someone to know him, nobody will. And it will spell disaster.

The second massive mystery is this; Since we're pretty damn sure Jenna Louise Coleman plays a character called Clara in this year's Christmas Special and it is this character, not the Oswin character, who ends up travelling with the Doctor for the second part of series 7, how will they explain away the similarities in appearance between the two? Will they be related? Will they be connected at all? Will it be ignored?! 

Who cares right now, eh? We've just been given one of the most exciting and interesting episodes of Doctor Who since the show came back in 2005! And next week we get Dinosaurs! On A Spaceship!!

(Oh! I loved the ep, by the way. Top stuff! 8/10 - I'll update this post with more opinions and observations when I get a chance to watch Asylum again... which I'll do tomorrow, asap!)

TWEETER PUT TO DEATH FOR HATING CHRIS HOY'S SHOES

I've deliberately tried my best not to blog about the abusive Twitter user who launched an unjustified attack on Tom Daley recently. I didn't want to give the guy my time, but some of his tweets and other online contributions really wound the users of Twitter up and led to him being reported to and arrested by Dorset Police.

And so began a media storm (albeit a small one) about the 17 year old man arrested for being critical of Tom Daley's dive. The media love a story about anything to do with online abuse and/or uproar by users of any social network. They like to report the incredible Other Culture to those who don't use these networks as though we were a mob on vigilant lookout for a misbehaving target 24/7. This is only partly fair. Yes, there are those who jump on any old nasty bugger, with torches and pitchforks, and try to push them off Twitter. Some of this "mob" are the tutting over-moral bandwagon-jumpers who want nothing more than to show everyone else in their social circle just how right on and moral they are; just how outraged they are by anything, be it suppression of free speech or that same free speech taken a tad too far. The others are nasty trolls themselves, no better than their target, who see this single horrible sod as a fair target. Both are wrong, but that's neither here nor there because free speech means both sets - and I've been a part of both sets before now, unfortunately - can do this.

However. If the media are going to report on this particular issue, which they are loving doing, they should probably get their facts straight! The BBC reported on the news last night that "a 17 year old man has been arrested after Tweeting Tom Daley, saying that he has let his late father down". This is not true. Yes, the tweeter told Daley he had let his father down after his dive, but this wasn't the reason for his arrest. It was simply the loudest of his tweets - the side effect of being re-tweeted by an Olympic Sportsman - and the one which drew attention to his already vulgar, racist and homophobic time line packed with death threats, abuse and downright unpleasantness.

Also unearthed was a YouTube video which sees this tweeter (I STILL don't want to use his name) threatening another user, recent Twitter-famous target Olly Riley - who was attacked by many tweeting under #OllyRileyIsAPedo for daring to tell his followers that he thought girls in long socks are sexy (a sentiment I'm in complete agreement with, incidentally!), resulting in a stream of photos from his teenage fan base's long-socked legs. Our recent Twitter Twat told Olly that he was going to find him and kill him. The video contained over 70 uses of the word 'fuck', at least five 'cunts' and many more 'f's and b's', along with so much table-kicking that it's a wonder the camera stayed put.

So this guy was not arrested for daring to criticise a diver but due to his unruly and hateful online presence as a whole. His YouTube video and his Twitter time line were both full of racial abuse and death threats, apparently apropos of nothing. This wasn't an arrest based on criticism of a sportsman, or a breach of this guy's right to free speech. This was an arrest undertaken after the violent and abusive threatening of many. You can't clap that that fella went to jail for having a go at a black footballer, then tut when this guy gets picked up. And also, it's nothing at all like the Paul Chambers case, however much you argue it is.

So, papers and TV: Please stop using headlines like "Tweeter Arrested For Criticising Daley" because that is not accurate. You lose credibility every time you cherry-pick your facts; see Aurora Shooting coverage.

Rant over. Glad to get this out of my system. Sorry this post is a garbled mess. Anyway... I'm off to the Olympics tomorrow! Yay!

The Aurora Shootings

A little after midnight on Friday a gunman opened fire in a crowded movie theatre in Aurora, Colorado. This shooting took place at a midnight premier that was evidently going to guarantee a full, sold out theatre. The shooter bought a ticket for the film, sat through the first ten minutes of it, then left the theatre. He went to his car, dressed in body armour and a gas mask, loaded an assault rifle, a shotgun and two pistols and returned to the theatre where he proceeded to fire randomly into the crowd.

Twelve people were killed and more than fifty people were injured. The shooter, James Holmes, was arrested shortly after. He showed absolutely no remorse whatsoever for his crime. Police officers sent to search his flat found the place booby-trapped with explosive tripwires. It took them a while to get inside the apartment where they found ingredients for making explosives, along with documentation for his firearms.

Those are the basics. This was a terrible tragedy and was clearly perpetrated by an incredibly unhinged individual. Due to the severity of the incident this event obviously requires reporting. The facts are shocking and the motive unknown and it is news. But I think, personally, that the second and third paragraphs of this blog post does a good enough job of reporting the facts as they are known. The world's media seems to disagree - they are the professionals, after all, so what do I know, right? 

What the papers and rolling news channels seem to like to dwell on here is not the fact that a twenty -four year old neuroscience student was able to legally purchase a combat weapon, a hunting shotgun and two handguns, along with over six thousand rounds of ammunition, military grade body armour and tear gas canisters from both local and web-based weapons stores without anyone thinking there may be something a little iffy going on, but the fact that the movie he chose as a venue for his crime was The Dark Knight Rises.

The Sunday Mirror claimed, in a double-page spread adorned with a half-page mugshot of a grinning Holmes, with the sub-heading "self proclaimed Joker", that he may have got inspiration for this horrible and senseless attack from a Batman comic - The Sunday Mirror wrote, "in the violent comic a shooter with red  hair - like Holmes -  opens fire in a movie theatre showing a Batman-inspired sex film"... I've read this comic book and that sentence has NOTHING to do with what it actually portrays. Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Rises contains seven frames, in the second part of its four issue series from twenty-six years ago, in which a mental patient decides that a porn theatre is corrupting the innocent of Gotham, so opens fire during a screening of "My Sweet Satan", a sex flick featuring "sexy Nuns". There's nothing that is "Batman-inspired".

But of course that doesn't matter! Joe Public, reading about this event, would see that and make a connection, apropos of a badly researched piece of journalism at best (and a blatant and dangerous lie at worst), between the crimes and Batman. Since the movie this comic book fan chose as his venue was a Batman movie, this too is seen as a contributing factor. This has led to Mr and Mrs Outraged crying out for the cancelling of all screenings of The Dark Knight Rises, to american cinemas banning the wearing of costumes to the movie (but not others, so presumably when you go to see The Expendables 2 in the cinema you can strap a bazooka to your back, paint your face, prep your AK47 replica and strut about in your camouflage gear to your heart's content!) and to the apportioning of blame - directly or indirectly - to the makers of the movie and its predecessor by those who, most probably, haven't even seen them!

Worse still is that the papers also seem to enjoy picking apart the lives of the murderer, today named as James E. Holmes, instead of simply James Holmes as he was known yesterday. I wonder when that'll get extended once more to James Edward Holmes (or whatever the E stands for) in order to make him sound that little bit more like a mass murderer in true media terms. It turns out that, when the police finally entered Holmes's apartment, the place was "adorned with Batman paraphernalia and explosive trip wires" (as though the two go hand-in-hand, naturally) but was, as far as I can tell from their reporting, perfectly ordinary. The Batman "paraphernalia" was the only new detail in today's reporting of the inside of the flat - the trip wires were known about on Friday - but this one new detail is still enough, apparently, to justify a headline on the LA Times site which reads "Profile of Aurora shooting suspect keeps getting murkier". 

I have two points to make about that single headline. Firstly, I have a table full of empty coffee cups. Should I decide to shoot up a Costa's tomorrow and booby trap my flat with trip wires, would I then get a headline reading "Profile of Costa's Killer gets murkier - suspect's flat adorned with coffee cups and trip wires" as though they too were connected? And secondly, I think it's fair to say he's no longer just a suspect. James Holmes has admitted to the killings and was seen by hundreds committing the crime. At least, I hope the cops are sure it was him or poor James Holmes' life will now be ruined after the coverage he's getting in the press!

The point here is not that the guy liked Batman, but that he was clearly unhinged enough to shoot random people in a crowded movie theatre. If Holmes had been at a midnight screening of Mamma Mia and decided to open fire there would we now be crying out for the banning of Abba?! No. So any calls for a ban on screenings of The Dark Knight Rises are completely stupid. Banning people from wearing costumes is silly enough - what on earth is that going to achieve? If someone wants to shoot people mindlessly they will do so whether they are wearing a costume or not. If fact, Holmes WASN'T dressed "as the evil villain, Bane" as some news sources have claimed, but simply protected from any kind of attack on himself thanks to body armour and protected from his own tear gas attack thanks to a gas mask. It wasn't a costume, it was armour!

So the blame has to lie with a) the man who committed the crime and b) the system that made it very easy for him to obtain four lethal weapons, six thousand rounds of ammo and military style armour and gas canisters. The problem here is gun control. "But," as one Texas politician has disgustingly bleated, "if everyone else in the theatre were carrying a gun too, the chances are Holmes wouldn't have had chance to kill as many as he did! We need more guns, not less!" Utter bollocks. Four guns going off in a crowded theatre resulted in twelve dead and more than twice as many injured. HUNDREDS of guns going off would likely leave very few survivors at all. 

Holmes's character has been picked apart for days now, apparently revealing a twisted and depraved individual. But it doesn't matter what he wrote in his lonely hearts column, or what his answer phone message was, - mine, incidentally, was an impression of Heath Ledger's Joker telling people to leave a message or suffer the consequences, when The Dark Knight came out - or even if he was "a shy loner". The fact is he killed strangers with seemingly no motive and should therefore be investigated and punished. But what is more unsettling is that the final moments of the victims are being retold in movie screenplay fashion by the Dailies. "Twelve people died in Holmes's attack, two of whom died as heroes while protecting their girlfriends" - so the other ten were what? Cowards? Hey! Maybe we can make a movie based on the last two hours of a few of the victims' lives along with those of Holmes? We could show them getting all excited about the movie and having fun with their mates while Holmes is shown brooding and cackling in frames lifted almost directly from the coolest Batman stories! Or not.

Apparently it's news that one victim, a twenty five year old Mother in a serious condition, has been told this morning that her six year old daughter is dead. There are even some lovely photos of the dead child playing in the park, cuddling with her parents and smiling cutely at the camera. I'm glad they've written another double page spread on this one fact in the Daily Mirror today, the world NEEDS to know.

I'm sick of the media and pompous, bloated preachers blaming Batman or video games or whatever for the actions of sick individuals with murder on their mind. I'm sick of these deranged people being let of the hook by the papers and rolling news channels because they enjoy horror movies. And I'm sick of reading that Warner Bros and the cast and crew of The Dark Knight Rises have be doorstepped to give awkward messages of condolence and gentle, unneeded apologies as though they are partly to blame. 

I'm very sorry that these events happened. My thoughts go out to all those who are affected. Holmes deserves to remain in prison for the remainder of his days. Nothing can excuse or explain his actions, which were clearly those of a very disturbed man. But if I was the spokesman for the Batman movies I'd say "hang on! This has nothing to do with us or our movie. It's very sad, of course. Devastating! But until there's a proven link between the actions of this madman and our movies please lay off us!" Insensitive? Maybe. But do they ban lunchtime or close the nations's cafeterias every time there's a high school shooting? No. 

I could talk and talk and talk but it would only be a rant, as much of this has been. The point is, as usual, the media are irresponsible sensationalists churning out glamorised prose about real life disasters as though they were reviewing the latest Hollywood action flick. What we should get from our media is balanced, informative journalism that reports the facts and little else. This is just the latest in a long line of dangerous media reports that, more than any comic book or video game or rock song, will inspire other, similarly unhinged individuals to commit copycat crimes. They'll chase headlines like "'The Joker' kills 12, injures 50+ in Batman Shooting Spree" or "The Dark Knight Massacre". So, next time something like awful happens, let's nickname the killer "The Small-Cocked Mummy's Boy" or something equally as humiliating. Or we could stop with the sensationalism altogether and simply report the news.

Edit 23/07/12, 22:35 - ITV News just claimed that Holmes showed up for court "with hollow eyes and dyed red hair like the character he aspired to be; Batman's arch-nemesis the Joker..." which is not only disgustingly sensationalist (and basically giving this sick individual exactly what he wants, namely infamy) but completely factually inaccurate. Also, it seems that the deaths of their children isn't enough for the families of the victims. They want one more murder. Holmes will likely get the death penalty. 

This makes those family members and anyone else pushing for this punishment no better than he is. That makes them, in my eyes, at least accessories to the murder of James Holmes. No matter what a person has done, murder is not the right punishment. Should this be the outcome, should Holmes be put to death, no justice will have been done. All that will have happened is thirteen young people will have died in this senseless tragedy, not twelve. The final victim added to the count by a baying mob of people proving themselves to be as bloodthirsty and devoid of human decency as the shooter.

I have a feeling this blog will be updated many more times as the week progresses.