I've waited weeks for today's Budget from Chancellor George Osborne. Finally, today I sat down to watch it and took almost none of it in. Why? Because I just cannot take a single member of our coalition government seriously. I faze out. I faded away.
Instead I sat, nodding my head along with the ConDem Front Bench as they pretended to give a shit about normal people and slipped into bizarre fantasy territory.
In my new fantasy world there's this boy band. They're called CelebraTory. They sing songs about how they like to fuck the country up while wiping flecks of caviar and swan grease from they dripping, dishonest chins. Like the best boy bands before them they have chemistry. It's not good chemistry; none of them look like they really want to be there (which is ironic, since we don't want them there either!), but it's chemistry nonetheless.
George, Dave, Danny and Nick (the one everyone forgets the name of, bless 'im) were as smooth and cool as JLS at their gig today, with their colourful ties - a different colour for each member - nodding in unison to the rhythm of their own frightened heartbeats, knowing as they do that before long the axe will fall and their 'time at the top of the charts' will end.
But like all boy bands, they'll throw out a few "special announcements" before they go, squeezing every penny they can from their fans and their fans' families, before fading away into musical oblivion, to become nothing but a nasty footnote, remembered as bitterly as that 'old rock favourite', "Iron Lady" (ask your Dad about her controversial career in the 80s!).
I hate when groups are "put together" like this. It's always an awful time for music. Especially with "CelebraTory" topping the charts... I much prefer the more sensible, thoughtful music of "The Ed Mili Band".
I hate when groups are "put together" like this. It's always an awful time for music. Especially with "CelebraTory" topping the charts... I much prefer the more sensible, thoughtful music of "The Ed Mili Band".
[I realise that if you wanted info on what Osborne's budget speech contained you will be disappointed by this post. Try looking over the very helpful Budget Breakdown from the BBC website, here, instead.]
* Music = Politics.
