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Friday, 14 January 2011

Blogging: Naked!

I'm naked. Right now. Tackle out. "On display". Letting the breeze circulate around the ol' twig 'n' berries. Etc, ad infinitum. edrfg£$%$vbhjn < See that? Those of you with more time on your hands, a measuring tape and an Acer 3680 could use that to calculate length and circumference. Most of you would be very surprised if you found out just how often I was sans pants while using the computer. Let me explain why this is.

I've just got out of the bath. I'm all wet and a little bit cold. But it's okay! There's nobody here to see! I live alone. I can get out of the bath and wander about in my birthday suit to my heart's content. I don't even need to close the curtains really, as my living room window looks out at the side of the building next door, my kitchen and bathroom windows have a wonderful view of the vast woodland behind my block and my flat is on the top floor, so the bedroom only has skylights. The most I have to worry about is that bloody cat who keeps appearing on the roof and the screws on the underside of my laptop warming up a little too much.

Also, I'm currently "between jobs" so my days are spent online, or on the phone, searching for employment (at this stage - incidentally - I'll take anything more dignifying than "Oil Rig Bitch"). I have very little need for clothing in my nice warm flat and it is quite liberating to shed the man-made layers for a while. Comfort is everything: I sleep naked most nights, unless I've been made to wear a costume, so not wearing clothes saves me time in the mornings and late at night too! 

Just in case you haven't worked it out already there is little or no point to this blog post at all. Which, again, shines a light on the the more interesting occurrences in my recently devoid days. But if it helps, ladies, I don't look anywhere near as bad as the illustration above of a large man flossing his arse with an Ikea Klemens. And, since I'm freshly bathed, I smell of mint and coconut. Go on, you can have a sniff... We both know you want to!

Thanks for listening.