If I Ruled The X Factor...

So that's another year's X Factor over with, almost. And I've watched roughly an hour and a half of this whole series. I've done my best to keep up with the buzz on Twitter but I really couldn't be arsed to give up my entire weekend for a show I cannot help but think is deeply flawed.

So, as I've probably done before but am too lazy to check on, I shall tell you how I would do The X Factor if I was in charge.

First off, I'd scrap the Theme Of The Week. There's no use giving an awesome RnB singer Dancing Queen to sing on ABBA week. They'd be voted out because that's not their thang! So many great, talented acts have been lost mid-series thanks to their inability to adapt to some Theme that really isn't their thing. All this bollocks about "going out of your comfort zone" is bullshit. Eminem wouldn't throw a Beatles cover on his album, but he's a marvellous rapper! Nobody wants to make (or buy) an album consisting of two ABBA covers, a Christmas song, something to do with love, something that's thought of as a "guilty pleasure" (don't even get me fucking started on that term!) and a frigging unknown 80's power ballad that was No1 in Azerbaijan for a week.

Next, reduce the number of contestants, the number of weeks the show runs for and the number of auditions shown. Sure, it's great to see the funny auditions, but they could throw a couple of episodes on ITV2 showing nothing but shit acts. A week of decent auditions, a week of Boot Camp, the Judges Houses selection weekend and then on to the live shows where ten acts, not bloody twenty and a "wild card" or whatever, sing one song each for the first three weeks (with an elimination each week) and then two each until the final week where the top three acts sing three songs (of their choice and their style) until a winner is crowned. The Mentor system remains, but there are no categories; simply a few acts each, randomly assigned.

Then, instead of giving the winner a shitty cover or an "uplifting ballad that retells their X Factor journey" have them spend a while in the studio, with a few writers and musicians, where they'll come up with a single that matches their talents and style. The songs they've chosen to sing all series (covers) will still be available to download from iTunes or wherever. No need to rush out a shit song; spend some time on a decent single that the winning artist can proudly put on their album.

And then the name "The X Factor" will seem less pretentious and less contradictory, frankly. I don't think that ANY of the X Factor winners have what I think The X Factor means. They're all carbon copies of Robbie, Will Young,  Beyonce, Whitney, Britney and bloody McFly or [insert teeny boyband here].

See? Telly magic.

Asylum Of The Daleks

Now was that worth the wait? I'm voting yes!

Dragged to Skaro, then to the Dalek Parliament on some dodgy errand for the mysterious Darla von Karlsen (obviously Dalek something, anagramfans!) the Doctor, Amy and Rory find themselves in the midst of the most insane and dangerous mission they've ever had - probably. They must enter The Asylum Of The Daleks! 

You all watched it! Of course you did! so let's skip the recap and get straight to the meat of the story. Instead of appearing when she was meant to appear,  naughty Jenna Louise Coleman showed up about five minutes into Asylum and gave everyone who didn't know she's be there (which, considering thousands had already seen this at screenings the world over and the fact that her appearance was leaked on forums this week anyway, probably wasn't many) a big surprise! But she wasn't playing the companion character here, as far as we know... No, no! This character was called Oswin Oswald and was the Junior Entertainments Manager on Starship Alaska until its fatal plunge onto the surface of the Dalek Asylum planet... Okay, I said no recap. I'm sorry!

This episode was very, very overhyped. I'm not saying it wasn't a good episode - it was. A very good episode, great even! But the hype-hangover from the screenings and the constant reminder that it was to feature EVERY DALEK EVER pushed this one into the stratosphere in terms of expectations. Some would have expected a massive, action-packed Dalek adventure. That's not what you got here.

What you got was - and I'm not complaining, because I'd rather this, personally - a small Dalek story with a nice big mystery at the centre. Because Oswin was no ordinary extraordinary computer hacking genius junior entertainments manager from the future! She was in fact a girl who had become a Dalek still dreaming that she was a girl. A girl making soufflés. The clue was right there, really - a genius with a whisk, had to be a Dalek.

What this means - and what other Big New Things mean - for the future of the series I do not know. But those Things were well-played and nicely explained. First off, we got to see the Parliament of the Daleks and meet their Prime Minister. We also learn that Daleks are able to adapt human physiology to create a kind of Dalek Puppet; a sleeper agent that has no idea it is on a mission for the Daleks until the eye stalk pokes out of their forehead. Both of these are interesting new additions to the Dalek legend and you'll either like them or not. I did. I thought the idea that the Daleks have a home again, a base from where their twisted logic is written and passed out as Dalek Law and that they can now get closer to their victims than ever before creates an extra level of power and malice to them. The Daleks were truly made scary again this week. 

But the biggest mysteries of all could spell mystery and danger in what's to come. Now that Oswin - the One Good Dalek - has erased every scrap of information about the Doctor from the Dalek's memories are they still his biggest and most feared enemy? Isn't he now free to do whatever the hell he likes to them? They don't know who he is, as illustrated in a smashing little gag where the entire Parliament chant "Doctor who?!" at his as he skips away for adventures aplenty as per. I fear this interesting (and, yes - for once, Moffat, you were telling the truth - Game Changing) event will end up coming back and biting the Doctor on his big, smug arse. You mark my words; when he'll NEED someone to know him, nobody will. And it will spell disaster.

The second massive mystery is this; Since we're pretty damn sure Jenna Louise Coleman plays a character called Clara in this year's Christmas Special and it is this character, not the Oswin character, who ends up travelling with the Doctor for the second part of series 7, how will they explain away the similarities in appearance between the two? Will they be related? Will they be connected at all? Will it be ignored?! 

Who cares right now, eh? We've just been given one of the most exciting and interesting episodes of Doctor Who since the show came back in 2005! And next week we get Dinosaurs! On A Spaceship!!

(Oh! I loved the ep, by the way. Top stuff! 8/10 - I'll update this post with more opinions and observations when I get a chance to watch Asylum again... which I'll do tomorrow, asap!)

TWEETER PUT TO DEATH FOR HATING CHRIS HOY'S SHOES

I've deliberately tried my best not to blog about the abusive Twitter user who launched an unjustified attack on Tom Daley recently. I didn't want to give the guy my time, but some of his tweets and other online contributions really wound the users of Twitter up and led to him being reported to and arrested by Dorset Police.

And so began a media storm (albeit a small one) about the 17 year old man arrested for being critical of Tom Daley's dive. The media love a story about anything to do with online abuse and/or uproar by users of any social network. They like to report the incredible Other Culture to those who don't use these networks as though we were a mob on vigilant lookout for a misbehaving target 24/7. This is only partly fair. Yes, there are those who jump on any old nasty bugger, with torches and pitchforks, and try to push them off Twitter. Some of this "mob" are the tutting over-moral bandwagon-jumpers who want nothing more than to show everyone else in their social circle just how right on and moral they are; just how outraged they are by anything, be it suppression of free speech or that same free speech taken a tad too far. The others are nasty trolls themselves, no better than their target, who see this single horrible sod as a fair target. Both are wrong, but that's neither here nor there because free speech means both sets - and I've been a part of both sets before now, unfortunately - can do this.

However. If the media are going to report on this particular issue, which they are loving doing, they should probably get their facts straight! The BBC reported on the news last night that "a 17 year old man has been arrested after Tweeting Tom Daley, saying that he has let his late father down". This is not true. Yes, the tweeter told Daley he had let his father down after his dive, but this wasn't the reason for his arrest. It was simply the loudest of his tweets - the side effect of being re-tweeted by an Olympic Sportsman - and the one which drew attention to his already vulgar, racist and homophobic time line packed with death threats, abuse and downright unpleasantness.

Also unearthed was a YouTube video which sees this tweeter (I STILL don't want to use his name) threatening another user, recent Twitter-famous target Olly Riley - who was attacked by many tweeting under #OllyRileyIsAPedo for daring to tell his followers that he thought girls in long socks are sexy (a sentiment I'm in complete agreement with, incidentally!), resulting in a stream of photos from his teenage fan base's long-socked legs. Our recent Twitter Twat told Olly that he was going to find him and kill him. The video contained over 70 uses of the word 'fuck', at least five 'cunts' and many more 'f's and b's', along with so much table-kicking that it's a wonder the camera stayed put.

So this guy was not arrested for daring to criticise a diver but due to his unruly and hateful online presence as a whole. His YouTube video and his Twitter time line were both full of racial abuse and death threats, apparently apropos of nothing. This wasn't an arrest based on criticism of a sportsman, or a breach of this guy's right to free speech. This was an arrest undertaken after the violent and abusive threatening of many. You can't clap that that fella went to jail for having a go at a black footballer, then tut when this guy gets picked up. And also, it's nothing at all like the Paul Chambers case, however much you argue it is.

So, papers and TV: Please stop using headlines like "Tweeter Arrested For Criticising Daley" because that is not accurate. You lose credibility every time you cherry-pick your facts; see Aurora Shooting coverage.

Rant over. Glad to get this out of my system. Sorry this post is a garbled mess. Anyway... I'm off to the Olympics tomorrow! Yay!