I don't claim to be a great writer, a great reviewer or the most eloquent of scribblers when it comes to using words. But I am capable of following a children's drama on a Saturday night. I was going to review The Impossible Astronaut but you know I loved it and you know - from my posts previous - what ideas I've had about the questions it has left unanswered.
So instead of a review from me I have decided to review a review. Not just any review, Jim Shelley's review of the series opener from today's Daily Mirror. I'm not a fan of this paper, I'm not a fan of Shelley's pathetic articles and I'm certainly not a fan of inaccurate journalism, even if it's not really about anything serious. I'm not even going to comment on this bit of nothing from Kevin O'Sullivan!
Entitled "It's Not Quite What The Doctor Ordered" (without a hint of irony) Shelley attempts to get his tabloid brain around the complex and frankly mindbogglingly difficult-to-understand story of The Impossible Astronaut (I'm being sarcastic). He says that Doctor Who is "still not quite delivering" and that it seems everyone is "trying too hard" in the show. Then he goes on to say that it's the best and most innovative British show on TV.
He praises Matt Smith, Karen Gillan and the rest of the cast, as well as Steven Moffat's "energetic, intelligent ideas" before, in a later paragraph, calling the plot too confusing ("Please don't ask me to explain it - only children can follow Doctor Who" - uh, what?). And it seems that Shelley has not only confused himself over the characters and his own opinions, but also completely missed the entire point of the whole episode. It would appear that he neither followed, nor understood, a single one of the important events in this episode.
Sorry Jim, I'm an amateur, you're meant to be a professional. Even I know that to review something successfully you really need to make sure your facts are right. There are some glaring inaccuracies in your review - whether because you felt it above you to give the show your full attention or because you are simply too thick to get what was a simple time travel plot - that I'm afraid has made me abandon my own opinions and instead focus on correcting your own.
First off, and I quote, "The Doctor was dead. Amy lay on him, sobbing, and then they pushed him out to see and torched his body, Viking-style. Except of course, he wasn't ... Essentially, he rescued himself". Getting a bit ahead of ourselves here, aren't we Jim? How did the Doctor rescue himself? You are aware that to enjoy something, to understand it, you have to listen and watch, right? I mean, of course you do! You're a pro!
Next up was a little bit about the Silence. Sure, your description of them was fair enough, but not original by a fucking long way. And you're missing, from your quote from the bathroom death scene, the most important line! Clearly you missed the entire point... Shelley writes; "'Why did you have to kill her?' cried Amy, after an old lady was vaporised inside the Ladies at the White House. 'Joy!' it responded. (Bizarrley [sic] The Silence was not silent.)" - again mate, you've missed the point. The Silent's line was "Joy... Her name was Joy!". I've set out my thoughts on this in a previous post below, but it's pretty important to mention, don't you think? And I won't comment on your spelling mistakes.
The bottom line is, I don't think I've ever read such a steaming pile of garbled shit in a long while. Did you like the episode? Didn't you? Do you even know yourself? As for you not understanding it - it's a terrible shame that there is likely to be no more Sarah Jane Adventures. At least the stories in that show would be flat enough for you to be able to follow. Sorry to rant. I don't mean to upset anyone. But then, you didn't mean to upset me. I'm an out of work amateur blogger, I love writing and there are people like Jim Shelley filling pages - in national newspapers for lots of money - with inaccurate, incredibly poor tripe. It makes me very bitter - which is very unattractive. So I'll stop talking just after I've said this:
I loved the episode. I understood it all and I cannot wait for next week and, indeed, the rest of what promises to be a cracking series of my favourite show. Rant ends.