I've always fancied backed you in this latest series of The Apprentice, since you're the only one who I thought was truly beautiful and lovely herself (apart from The Brand, but he's a sloppy cock).
I was so sad to see you get Fired this week. Don't take it to heart, Lord Sugar is a sloppy cock too. You'd be better off working for someone else anyway as you're such a lovely, lovely girl that you deserve better than that. I think you could be my perfect woman. And all that stuff about the truffles? Yeah, don't worry about that either; that chef bloke was a fucking cock. Yes, that's right - in true Laura Moore style I'll be using coarse language throughout this letter because when you did it, it turned me on a little bit. I hope you don't mind, Laura, as I wouldn't want to upset you. I could tell that all that swearing and stuff you were caught on camera doing was just the pressure of the show getting to you a bit. And that's okay, you're a lovely, sensitive and sexy young woman and everyone lets things get on top of them sometimes.
So, how about this? Since you're better off without that idiot Sugar, I have a proposition for you. Come and be my girlfriend and I promise I will take the best care of you for ever and ever work with me. I don't have a business or whatever, but I do keep a blog and work in a call centre. What we could do is share the tasks. One week you do the call centre stuff and I'll blog, then the next week we'll swap. You don't have to accept right away.
As for living arrangements, I've got a flat that's great (if a little cold at the moment because my heating's packed in) although it's only a one-bedroom place. I don't mind sleeping top-and-tails, because you have the most perfect smile and we'd have loads of fun, if you like? And when we're watching telly in bed I'd have no problem whatsoever with you lying up the top end with me - even if you happen to fall asleep cuddled up to me with your lovely hair flowing over my bare chest, that's okay! I understand that you may not want to watch The Apprentice now that you're off the show (maybe you would, I don't know for sure), so when it's on the whole bed is yours until at least Ten Thirty. Have a think about it and let me know by email or on Twitter or something. I'm not holding my breath though.
Yours Faithfully,
Gareth xxx
